My #1 DifferenceM@ker

Given the lack of scientific evidence, and the continued confusion over the causes (and therefore possible cures) for CFS/ME, there is a myriad of different approaches to CFS/ME management out there.

It seems that some of these approaches take great pride in discounting other approaches, but the reality is that nobody knows what causes CFS/ME, its symptoms are broad and varied, and each person’s experience appears to differ. Until science has caught up with this illness, I honestly don’t think we are in a position to discredit any source of potential relief, and whilst there appears to be some bogus claims out there, I think it’s important to analyse and weigh things up before you turn your shoulder to them.

In saying this, if you search online for CFS/ME treatment, you will literally be bombarded with a million and one different treatment options and claims. It is very easy to become disillusioned and overwhelmed by this. It’s also very easy to become caught in the trap of shelling out literally thousands and thousands of dollars on that treatment that promises to take away your suffering.  I know, because I fell into that trap.

Ultimately however, I am able to share – with the grace of hindsight – the two best steps that I took in my recovery thus far. I cannot and will not say that they solely have led me this far in my recovery – nor can I say that they will definitely assist you in your own recovery. In all honesty, the level of recovery I have experienced to this point seems to have just ‘happened’. And strangely enough, the two most helpful treatments are those that I kind of ‘fell’ into, not really knowing what it meant for me and the management/recovery from my CFS/ME symptoms.

My #1 DifferenceM@ker – Therapy. 

Before you think any further, I am 100% adamant and science shows that CFS/ME is NOT A PSYCHOLOGICAL ILLNESS. That’s not what made the difference. But a chronic illness seeps its way into every facet of your life, and it doesn’t take long to be lost in the darkness and depths of anxiety, depression, and suffering. I find it almost comical now, that my original reason for seeking psychological services, was for assessment to see if I was ‘crazy’ and if I was somehow making this all up in my head. I didn’t want to believe it, and I’d surely read plenty of information that said it was not a psychological illness, but the stigma and the reactions of people in my environment were contradicting this very heavily. And I came to a point that I just needed to know. It’s better to know your devil – whatever it may be. Here’s what I have gained through engaging in therapy:

1. Validation. Finally, amidst all of my confusion, all of my pain and suffering and fear, and with all of the controversy and at times downright ignorance of other people in my life towards my situation, somebody was able to stand by me and say “You are not crazy. This is real. And you are suffering, and it’s ok.” 

2. An Unconditional ‘Friend’.  I use the word friend cautiously in this sense as your therapist is not your friend in a usual sense, but I think it is truly the best word to describe what can be obtained in the right therapeutic relationship. In a time when I felt very isolated, very alone, and like the world was against me, this one person was standing there – a foundation that I could lean on in confidence that they would not turn their back on me. I can’t even put into words what that meant for me, and what that provided me with. In some of my saddest and darkest moments, that unwavering support was what kept the embers burning – because it offered me hope.

3. Courage to Make a Change. I’m changing my life. It has had to change. I can’t perform my old work anymore – and to be completely honest – I’ve changed a lot since I became ill. I can’t live the way I used to, because my health no longer allows me to abuse and take my life for granted. In truth, I’m not sorry about that. Not now (although it has take a lot of work to get to that point). You see, I feel like an entirely different person; my heart has changed and so have my passions. Being able to sort through all of the ‘stuff’ – the emotions, the cognitions, the limiting beliefs, whatever else can be lurking in the depths of your psyche – has granted me the grace to find out more about who I am, what I want, and where I want to be. And this, along with the support provided, has given me the courage to take steps that I was always too scared to take, even if I somehow knew deep down I wanted to or should.

4. A Non-Biased Sounding Board. No personal motives, no connection to the people or places involved. No gain or loss from the results. A person whose pure purpose is to help YOU make the decisions and take the actions that will create a better life for YOU. Don’t underestimate its power.

5. Gratitude. I know, it sounds completely ridiculous. How could someone possibly be grateful for a chronic illness that almost destroyed them physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally? In my own experience, it really has happened though. I didn’t have a ‘perfect’ life prior to my illness. Sure it took a while (and numerous occasions where I felt like I was being plagued by some form of mental illness), but eventually I was able to cope a little more with the grief of having lost all I had and to actually say “Well, why was it so wonderful? What was it that made it so great that I miss it so much, and how can I recreate those bits that I love?”. [You may insert the lightbulb moment here]. Ping! Light flicks on! Life wasn’t all that grand and amazing – the pain is at having lost what I DID have – fair call. But then I realized, that starting from scratch didn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing either. Sure it’s not easy, and sometimes I just wish none of this ever happened, but I was also presented with an opportunity to assess my life and decide what I liked and what I didn’t like about it. I could find a way to reestablish what I did like, and work on ways to improve or change what I didn’t like. Perhaps its total measure will be of greater value than the total measure of suffering I’ll have endured when I come out of the other end of this illness.  

You might say that you could achieve all of this on your own – and you may very well be right. For me, I don’t think I could have gotten as far as I have alone. At least not to the extent I have managed thus far. Each to their own. But I maintain that, for me personally, the decision to seek and continue therapy has been a very strong player on my team. Perhaps the strongest. The fact that it has not directly made me physically better is of little consideration. The fact that it has given me the emotional support to cope is its true value. And that leaks into other areas of your life aswell.

Hang tight for My #2 DifferenceM@ker, coming soon.